September 6, 2008
We are getting BLASTED by a tropical storm.
It has been muggy, windy and rainy all day…with big dark ominous clouds looming overhead.
So what did we do? We went for a walk! In the pouring rain. Well, we didnt really make it far from the house because of how hard it was raining - but it was refreshing!
The area around us is flooded. We went to pick up food and the roads are almost impassable. Glad Im driving an SUV.
I love a good storm (as long as everyone is safe). Right now the rain is pounding the house. Its so windy that the rain is blowing sideways.
So cool.
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September 4, 2008
I didnt go to work today.
I have some sick time coming to me that I have to use by the end of the year (as well as a bunch of vacation days) so I figured today was as good a day as any to take off. Plus it gave me some extra time to cut the lawn, paint and do some errands which included going to K*hl’s.
I should have known NOT to mention to my Mom that I had to go to K*hl’s to return something.
I should have known when her eyes lit up and she started to drool that saying the word “K*hl’s” to her means she MUST come with me.
And I should have known that when she said she wanted to buy new sneakers….that I would be in for it.
I now have a migraine.
I love my Mom. H O W E V E R - she is VERY hard to please.
She must have tried on EVERY F-ing pair of sneakers in the entire department - including the men’s department.
Not to mention that every time she opened up a box, she threw the paper that is stuffed into the sneaker ON THE FLOOR.
I wanted to die.
The poor lady that was sweeping the floor and keeping things neat was having a bird. She kept mumbling something every time she had to sweep near my Mom. And although I dont speak Spanish, I CAN recognize most of the bad words.
Every time she turned her back Mom had another wad of paper on the floor.
And y’all KNOW how much I HATE feet - right?
Yeah, Mom has a little difficulty bending over to tie her shoes.
So just GUESS who had to do it? Yep, ME. gag
And? There were a FEW times when she couldnt get the sneaker off her big hoof foot.
So just GUESS who had to yank it off for her? Yep, ME AGAIN GAG
I wasnt about to tell my Mom that she is no longer in a size 8 - so she was cramming her hoof foot into sneakers that were WAAAAAY to small. I didnt have the heart to hurt her feelings. But I think she finally figured it out when once I had to pull the sneaker off so hard I almost went toppling into the Frame Department.
Ultimately she DID find a pair that she liked. Unfortuneatly they are the same pair that I bought for MYSELF. Do you KNOW how embarrassing it is to be wearing the SAME sneakers as your Mom? DO YOU?
I should have known - work might have been less painful today.
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September 2, 2008
Ok, so it happened again last night.
My eyes flew open at 3:12am…….
…and stayed open til’ about a half hour before the alarm.
Its frustrating - watching the clock, waiting to fall asleep KNOWING you have to get up soon. Thats enough to ruin any relaxation technique you can come up with.
I suspect I have too much on my mind. Too many worries & concerns. Top of the list? Billy is in the air right now - flying to Iraq. What a nightmare. I still have not come to terms with this. I kept assuring myself (and Deb) that he wasnt going. That this whole thing would be over by the time he was due to go. God, was I wrong…and obviously in denial.
The rest of the list? Too long to go thru.
Tonight there will be no problem sleeping - even if it is medicinally induced.
So, what do you do when you are lying there in the middle of the night WILLING yourself to go back to sleep? Or a better question is HOW do YOU get back to sleep?
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September 1, 2008
I have no clue why I am awake.
My eyes flew open around 2:30 am and instead of laying there, tossing and turning, disturbing Deb, I got up and sat in the living room….
I walked the house first - looking outside from all the windows in the house to see what goes on at this hour. Its pretty quiet. No other house lights on. I guess all my neighbors are sleeping nicely. However, our newspaper is here already! YIKES! Feel sorry for THAT poor bastard!
Its amazing - the things that go thru your head at this hour. I guess I have a lot on my mind.
I started to think about Billy. Was he afraid. Was he ok. Did he regret joining - and what could possibly be going thru HIS mind at this time. This is so hard - for us. HE seems to be taking it in stride.
Then I started thinking about my Dad - who told me the other day that he gave Bobo (the dog) a “noogie”. I havent heard the word “noogie” in years. And as funny as it was when he said it, I thought that my Dad (since his stroke) is almost like a 12 year old at times. He slips in and out between his present age of 74 back to 12 in the blink of an eye…its adorable and frightening all in the same.
It just went on from there. Problems, money, sell the house? Dont sell the house? Should I go downstairs and paint? ugh…
Then I thought - *is it light or dark in Alaska now?* I know they go thru periods of darkenss for a long time! Hmmmm, WTF? I need sleep I guess.
We had a great time at my cousin’s yesterday. We got invited for a bar-b-que. Its odd to be invited someplace. Usually all the partying and festivities go on here! It was kinda nice for a change!
Im so glad I dont have to get up in the morning - oh wait - it IS morning. But at least I dont have to go to work. Phew.
Hope you guys are having a good weekend!
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August 29, 2008
…like I said…
Two kids - polar opposites.
Got word from Billy last night. He is flying out either Sunday or Monday for Iraq.
How much more opposite can you get?
One in a war - one in Disney World…
We are so excited and happy for one - and just filled with fear and dread for the other…
My God…
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August 27, 2008
When I first met Deb, her boys were 7 & 9.
I had to look long and hard about whether I wanted to get involved with someone who had kids. Not because I dont LIKE kids…..I LOVE them and I was thrilled that Deb had kids.
But as an adult, I was capable of making my own life changing decisions.
Deb’s kids didnt have that option. They were just little peanuts who knew their Mom and Dad were splitting up….and I was now in the picture.
I questioned whether or not I wanted - WE wanted to put them thru this. Whether or not it was fair to them. Whether or not we were being selfish. Whether or not they would hate me OR her. Whether or not I could handle it. Whether or not they would ever adjust. Whether or not they would resent us. Whether or not they would grow up happy. The questions just kept coming -
16 years later I can tell you that I have been blessed to have been a part of 2 little lives that have grown into fine young men….that are polar opposites in every way.
Garry left this morning for his dream. He is on his way to live in Florida. I am so happy for him I can just cry (and have been).
He is a worrier. He always was.
I remember what was to be our first Christmas together. Deb had to work nights for a few weeks right before the holiday. I took this as the perfect time to take the kids Christmas shopping for her. So, one night when she had to work she got the kids all ready for bed before she left. I watched her pull out of the driveway and go.
As soon as the coast was clear and she was gone, I ran upstais and told the kids to get out of their PJ’s. I was getting them re- dressed and explaining to them that we were going to sneak out of the house while Mom was working and we were going to the mall to shop for her Christmas presents.
Billy bounced out of his clothes…..
Garry didnt.
He looked nervous and concerned. He looked like a worried old man.
I remember the conversation like it was yesterday:
Him: Um, Laur?
Me: Yeah Gar.
Him: Mom is NOT going to like this.
Me: It will be fine sweetie. We are just going shopping!
Him: Yeah, but she wont like it that we arent here if she calls.
Me: Well buddy, thats why we have to hurry. She is in class and wont be calling for a while.
Him: I just dont know….We really shouldnt leave.
Me: *thinking to myself - HE’S NINE* Gar, its going to be fine….c’mon get dressed.
Him: Ok, but she isnt going to LIKE it.
Me: Dont worry, Mom’s not going to know about it until AFTER Christmas.
Him: Well, I cant lie to her!
Me: *rolls eyes* You arent going to lie - youre just not going to say anything.
Him: Thats still lying.
Me: *crickets chirping*
Which brought me to think that Im teaching her son to lie by omission! Great impression Im making on these kids.
We drove to the mall - me and Billy singing Christmas carols……Garry worrying that we were going to get in trouble….and Im thinking Im going to have to wash this kids clothes by the time we get home because he is going to poop himself…
All thru the mall he kept saying “c’mon, hurry, we have to get back” and “MOM’S GONNA CALL”….
I had to chase Billy thru the mall while Garry lagged behind keeping the nearest exit in sight so we could make a quick get-a-way.
Ugh - a worrier. This kids a real trip!
Then there was the time that he came home from school in tears because he was TERRIBLE at drawing and had to draw Davy Crockett as a homework assignment.
TEARS streaming down his face……
So, we sat at the kitchen table and I drew it for him from a picture in his book - but HE colored it in.
He was happy! BUT - wouldnt take all the credit because I drew it. And he was nervous about handing it in to his teacher because he would have to tell her that he didnt do all the work. Again, me being the ever so honest person that I am *wink* told him to hold his head up high and tell the teacher that YOU DREW IT!
*more laundry that day*
A lot of years have passed. He is still a worrier - but he is getting better!
So, as he pulled out of the driveway this morning I thought so many things *I hope he knows how much I love him and how proud and jealous I am of him right now. I hope that all the things I feared in the beginning never happened, that he never hated me or resented my relationship with his Mom (even though I know those are MY fears). And that he will be happy and well adjusted wherever he goes…
and most of all, I hope he knows that he will always have us to come home to.
Love you Gar, be safe, be happy, be You….and thank you from the bottom of my heart.
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August 25, 2008
Mondays suck.
We have a brutal schedule at work today.
However, I have a kick ass lunch to look forward to -
Food ALWAYS helps change my crappy mood!
Oh, and I paid $3.39 for gas today!!!!!
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August 23, 2008
-We went out for a bite to eat last night. Sat outside at one of our favorite places and ordered just appetizers and drinks. Mozzarella en carozza, and a combo of eggplant rollatini, shrimp sciampi, and calamari. Perfect night - perfect weather - perfect company.
-T has a date tonight! Im VERY excited to meet her new squeeze!
-How is it we can get back from grocery shopping, spend $165.00, and I can still look for something to eat and find nothing that appeals to me?
-We had another war in the house this past week. As usual things heat up, explode, and then cool down. Im not so sure what Im feeling right now. Its too early to see - but all I know is that I think I got “their” attention.
-Ive been VERY busy with painting. I even have an opportunity to do a job in someone’s home who is looking for a particular “look” on her walls. I have a cousin who is a carpenter and he mentioned my name. *keeping my fingers crossed*
-As I type this, Jaime (our fat cat) is laying on the chair next to me - snoring. lol I think she has sleep apnea! But then again, so do I!
-We hired our previous cleaning lady back…im so happy! The last people were a nightmare!
-Have I mentioned how much I LOVE my new blog?
-
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August 21, 2008
We have been having trouble with moveable type for some time now.
I guess when you get used to something, change isnt easy. Im not big on change - ESPECIALLY techinical change.
However, Darren being the ever patient kind soul that he is - ASSURED me that the transition to wordpress would be easy and there wasnt all that much to worry about. He would take care of everything. In fact, he told me that moving to WP would be easier (for BOTH of us) in the long run.
We went back and forth on a design. I knew I wanted a picture that I took myself (this pic is on the Wildwood Crest beach with the boardwalk way in the background at sunrise!) but wasnt sure how to go about it! He is uber patient - even though I KNOW he wanted to bash me in the head with my own computer - and here it is!
He is incredibly talented! I am in awe!
I LOVE it Darren! You are the best!
Thank you SO much!
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August 20, 2008
Im a thinker.
I can think myself into a frenzy.
I will go over something over and over looking at it from all different directions.
All day. All night. Before I close my eyes at bedtime. And right when I open them in the morning.
I can talk myself into something - then think about it - and talk myself back out of it.
It drives me nuts.
I drive me nuts.
I simply cant stand the thought that “some” things just dont have a solution. I hate the saying “thats just the way it is”…..That is too bleak for me.
I believe for every action there is a re-action - and often consequences to follow depending on the situation.
How do you change something (a situation, a person, a thought pattern, a problem) that seems like it cant ever be changed?
How do you turn off your own head?
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