in my house.

Next to me...she sleeps. The gentle sound of her breathing is all I hear. She has a cat at her feet, her Bear, with my cat Jessie curled ever so cutely (is that a word?) at mine. She sleeps, although I know that she is troubled. Events, both personal and professional, that have transpired over the past few weeks have made her hurt.
Her hurt= my pissed off.
She feels betrayed...and used by people she trusted, and rightfully so. She is such a good person, and not because she is mine. If you know her, I am singing to the choir, you know this already. She has a heart MUCH too big, and a skin, much too thin. She hurts easily...she gives too freely, she trusts completely.

And what does she get for this? Basically....screwed.
Screwed for trying to help, or trying to make someone feel good, or do better....
I hurt for her...
her good intentions...so taken advantage of...

Elsewhere in the house... Billy. Packing. Going away again for another week of training prior to his June deployment to Iraq. I check on him.. he is trying to adjust his "LBV." "What is that?", I ask...
It is his "lower back vest" which has been issued to him, but it is too small...
It carries essential items, a canteen, maps, and things that he needs...
I ask him if he can get a bigger one, one that will fit over his flak jacket,... he says he will try...
My heart hurts for him..for me... for all of us. I NEED him to be safe. I NEED him to come back to us okay.
I am soooo helpless in this situation. I am the one who usually has a grip, the one in control. I soooo suck at this.

Garry just got home. He is saving to go back to Florida to live (donations accepted).. He wants to live FT down there, but needs to get furniture and household goods first. He is working FT here in NJ to save enough to go back. He is having some health problems now, but is determined to do it... Godspeed ...

About "Moi"... nothing much to say.
I am such a nurturer and a fixer.
I want to make everybody else's problems go away and am sooo frustrated when I am unable to do it...

Work sucks.... I adore the people I work with, but the hours and job drain the life right out of me....I live for weekends and time with the family...

I know I am supposed to end this post with something wise or wonderful, but I have to admit, I am at a loss... finish it for me. will you please?

Sometimes life is just overwhelming :) *hugs* to help you get through it.

Posted by: Meeta at March 27, 2008 10:22 PM

I think it was my great-grandmother who used to say - "this too, shall pass". (yeah, didn't work for me either)

re Her: I hope that people straighten out and realize what a gem she is, because that just sucks.

re Billy: Having the proper gear is essential - I'm sure they will help him get one that fits like it should. He will come home in one piece (keep telling yourself that - it's how you'll get through his deployment)

re: Gary - I hope he is feeling better soon!

re: YOU - HUGS huge hugs!

Posted by: Fantastagirl at March 27, 2008 10:59 PM

It sounds like you are all stressed. Take care and know that you are wonderful people who don't deserve all this. Hugs.

Posted by: Margaret at March 27, 2008 11:48 PM

I have nothing profound to say -- I feel your pain over your partner's pain -- had a bad week or month or year or two of that myself. Can't feel your pain for Billy but hope that you all make it through this intact. You need to nurture yourself too otherwise you can't nurture others. Learned that the hard way.

Posted by: Sue at March 28, 2008 07:18 AM

I love you guys. Both..ever since we came in contact. I will do anything I can you help you for now I'm sending tons of hugs. I can't even identiy what you must feel about Billy's deployment but I'll be here for you. Take care friend.

Posted by: zootsmom at March 28, 2008 07:57 AM

I echo Fantastagirl's sentiments exactly. As for you I'm sending you a virtual bubblebath, a fluffy warm hugging towel and a cupcake. Don't ask why the cupcake part, just know its filled with forbidden goodness.

Posted by: ME at March 28, 2008 08:25 AM

I will just say that I'm a excellent sharpsman with a .22.

Love you both.

Posted by: Michele at March 28, 2008 12:23 PM

You dont have to protect me from or fix the shit that falls around me babe....Im fine.

Everything happens for a reason.

I take everything a learning experience.....although by now I should have learned plenty.

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